"Becoming Dead Right: A Hospice Volunteer in Urban Nursing Homes"By Frances Shani Parker"Becoming Dead Right: A Hospice Volunteer in Urban Nursing Homes" is the captivating account of Frances Shani Parker's hospice volunteer experiences in Detroit nursing homes. Stories, general information, and poems explore hospice care, urban nursing homes, caregiving, dementia, and disparities in healthcare. Pain management, death preparations, bereavement, and strategies for improving healthcare and nursing homes are also examined. This groundbreaking book has several national endorsements. "Becoming Dead Right" is published by Loving Healing Press and is available at this website, Amazon.com., Barnes and Noble bookstores, the National Hospice and Palliative Care Marketplace, and other booksellers. The butterfly symbolizes the transition between life and death. "Becoming Dead Right" is available at many bookstores and online booksellers.  "A school principal turned hospice volunteer, Frances Shani Parker relates her experiences with dying people in nursing homes. The second part of the book is about what we as individuals and as a society must do to improve things for those who are dying. I particularly enjoyed the guided tour, conducted from a wheelchair, of Baby Boomer Haven." International Association for Hospice & Palliative Care Return to Top. Reviews"Becoming Dead Right: A Hospice Volunteer in Urban Nursing Homes"Book Reviewer: Dr. Peter A. Lichtenberg, Director, Institute of Gerontology, Wayne State University, Detroit, Michigan
Frances Shani Parker makes death and the dying a vivid part of life in her book "Becoming Dead Right: A Hospice Volunteer in Urban Nursing Homes." Ms. Parker describes the beginning of her journey into the world of hospice in the early chapters, engaging us in stories about men she knew who had HIV/AIDS and were dying. Her writing is excellent, and we see these men as whole individuals and not just as people dying. Ms. Parker brings her extraordinary gift of being able to see the many aspects of a person even when often these are covered up by pain, disease, or dementia. Part One of the book contains many stories of people and her experiences with them in nursing home settings. Ms. Parker astutely observes the challenges of nursing home staff as well and eloquently writes some of their stories. Ultimately, we are treated in this first section to Ms. ParkerŐs love and compassion for those she serves and her humility in serving them. Her writing is tinged with profound respect for the individuals she worked with and helped. Each chapter closes with her lessons learned and her own poetry, much of which is compelling. In Part Two, Ms. Parker broadens her book and gives advice and resources for the problems of caregiving, funerals, bereavement, hospice, and her dream for the future: Baby Boomer Haven. This part of the book is full of useful guides and facts, which will benefit all people caring for a loved one. Ms. Parker was a school principal by profession. That title conjures up images of authority and power. It is thus striking that this book brings the stories of urban elders to the fore. Poverty, which so often makes people invisible, is not ignored here, but the stories of the human struggle, fear, kindnesses, and hopes predominate. This may be Ms. Parker's greatest gift to her readers: bringing to life people and events that are indeed so often invisible. This book is truly a gift. The writing is eloquent and powerful, and the stories are instructive and lasting. After finishing this book, I wanted to do more for other individuals who are dying, for as Ms. Parker so clearly imparts, the dying teach us so much about living well. Peter A. Lictenberg, Ph.D. Another "Becoming Dead Right" book review can be found at the author's blog : Return to Top. Excerpt"Becoming Dead Right: A Hospice Volunteer in Urban Nursing Homes" Text Excerpt from Chapter 5: "Rainbow Smiles" Most smiles begin with a warm energy that snakes through your body like a providential python and escapes through crescent-shaped doors of your lips. Then there are rainbow smiles that grab you in a supersized hug, hold you so tightly you can feel ribs of joy press against your essence. They are spellbinding, memorable, healing, and enriching, all puckered together in a soul-smacking kiss. Hospice volunteering has been a catalyst for many rainbow smiles. Sometimes patients needed me to help them solve problems. One day, Inez and I had an especially great visit. I had been thinking about how to find a key for a music box her niece had given her for Christmas. She loved that music box and liked to have it on display, so she would have a good excuse to talk about it. She had never heard it play because the key was missing when she received it. She said her niece had tried to find a key, but with no success.
Getting the music box to play became my project, but I knew I would need some help. The next day, I explained the problem to Burton, a teacher at my school. He decided to become a part of the solution by checking out some stores that might have the missing key. It sounded like the search for Cinderella's shoe. After looking for two weeks, Burton finally found a matching key at a large toy store. The sales lady was so touched by his story about Inez's "musicless" box that she gave him the key free of charge. We couldn't believe our good fortune, which became Inez's thrill maker. In the second week of May, with spring showing off nature's fashion makeover from winter, Inez heard her cherished music box play for the very first time. She picked it up gently and carefully placed it near her hearing aid. The song we had wondered about for months, the song that had driven us to discover its name finally played the sweetest version of "Joy to the World." Just hearing the music box fulfill its purpose felt like a miracle. Inez grinned widely, thanked me, and told me to thank the nice man who found the missing key that made her music box come alive. The mystery had been solved, and Inez was ecstatic. I thought nothing else that day could outdo the pleasure of hearing the music box play, but I was wrong. After Inez set her mechanical miracle on the window sill, so we could admire it playing and revolving, something wonderful occurred that surprised us both: The brightly colored butterfly started moving, slowing creeping up to the opening red flower. Inez and I gave each other eerie "Twilight Zone" looks. Then we shared rainbow smiles about the joy in our own little world. © Frances Shani Parker Return to Top. Praise "This book is filled with poetry, stories, wisdom and common sense that can help boomers, students, caregivers and policy makers understand their own aging and realize that our society can - and should - make important changes that can ensure safe, dignified, individualized care at the end of our lives." Alice Hedt, Executive Director, National Citizens Coalition for Nursing Home Reform " 'Becoming Dead Right' gives us a blueprint for how we should approach dying and death. Ms. Parker gives us a wonderful examination of the nursing home experience, volunteers, and how we, in all areas of social service, can partner together to improve the delivery of the hospice philosophy. Most importantly, she brings to light the urgent need for quality care in communities with people of color. Regrettably, even in dying, there are disparities and injustice. Frances Shani Parker has written a remarkable book with a unique perspective." Karyne Jones, President, National Caucus and Center on Black Aged "Reading this book was extremely enlightening. Not like any other book I have ever read, it is so interesting and well written that I could hardly put it down. While maintaining universal appeal, perspectives of people of color are emphasized. I highly recommend this book for every individual who has ever experienced the illness and death of a loved one or who ever will. That includes everyone. " Naomi Long Madgett, Ph.D., Editor, Publisher, Poet Laureate of Detroit, Michigan "There is no better description of cross-generation bonding and mutual learning than is found in "Becoming Dead Right." Parker opens an amazing door of possibility with her lucid description of the loving intersects between school children and nursing home residents. " James C. Kielsmeir, Ph.D., President, National Youth Leadership Council "Ms. Parker leans on her years as educator and hospice volunteer to challenge us to look beyond stereotypes that pigeonhole our beliefs about what the elderly and the young can do when given the opportunity." Nelda Brown, Executive Director, National Service-Learning Partnership at the Academy for Educational Development Return to Top. Author's Bio-Contact-Interviews Frances Shani Parker is a writer, consultant, former school principal, and hospice volunteer. Her writing has won awards from "Writer's Digest," the Poetry Society of Michigan, the Detroit Writer's Guild, Broadside Press, and the New Orleans Public Library. Among publications including her work are "Black Arts Quarterly" (Stanford University), "Warpland: A Journal of Black Literature and Ideas" (Chicago State University), "Voices of the Civil Rights Movement" (AARP), and two United Nations "Dialogue Through Poetry Anthology" e-books. Among venues at which her poems have been read are the International AIDS Conference in South Africa and "Artists Among Us" sponsored by the Michigan Wayne County Council for Arts, History, and Humanities. Parker has had essays and poems published in the education arena, particularly on service-learning, which is a teaching and learning method that connects classroom learning with meeting community needs. She has been honored with the Service-Learning Trailblazer Award presented by the National Service-Learning Partnership. Other honors include the Outstanding Education Administrator Award presented by the Metropolitan Detroit Alliance of Black School Educators, and the Educator of the Year Award presented by the Wayne State University Chapter of Phi Delta Kappa, an international professional fraternity for educators. You may contact Frances Shani Parker at this email address (rewrite): < contact at francesshaniparker dot com >. Her mailing address is P.O. Box 07061, Detroit, MI 48207.  You can listen to podcast radio interviews with Parker at these websites: Return to Top. EventsThese are a few book-related events where author Frances Shani Parker has been featured:
Return to Top. Hospice and Nursing Homes Blog The "Hospice and Nursing Homes Blog," written by Frances Shani Parker, presents news, current practices, and thoughts related to hospice care, nursing homes, and seniors in America. Research, images, and videos are used often. "Hospice and Nursing Homes Blog" Return to Top. New Orleans Memories Join Frances Shani Parker in her memories of New Orleans where she was born and raised long before Hurricane Katrina. Return to Top. |
The music box was a lovely piece of handiwork. A wooden base supported a clear glass container. Inside the container lay a beautiful butterfly resting on a small floral bouquet. Underneath the box was a hidden switch that made the seasonal display enchant with spurts of brightness. Inez, my ninety-two year old patient, said that she often sat and watched the softly glowing scene blink on and off. One night, she and I quietly watched it together. That's when I realized how much this silent little music maker meant to her. Unfortunately, neither of us knew what song it was supposed to play. We imagined the Christmas song we thought it should play and hoped one day we could solve the mystery. 
Frances Shani Parker, a featured speaker at the 21st Annual Issues in Aging Conference, gives a PowerPoint presentation about her hospice volunteer experiences in Detroit nursing homes.
Author Frances Shani Parker speaks to staff, students, and guests at the Institute of Gerontology on the campus of Wayne State University in Detroit. 
Frances Shani Parker speaks at one of her book signings held at Barnes and Noble bookstores.
Parker poses with friends at her book signing held at the Shrine of the Black Madonna Cultural Center and Bookstore in Detroit.
Parker speaks about "Becoming Dead Right" to an audience of AARP members.
Members of the Metropolitan Detroit Alliance of Black School Educators listen to Parker's insights about eldercare and service-learning.
Staff members of In-House Hospice in Southfield, Michigan pose with the author after an enlightening discussion.
Broadside Press Poets' Theater members congratulate fellow poet and author Frances Shani Parker on her groundbreaking book.
Members of the Hannan House Detroit Writers Journal, a writing group for seniors, gather for a picture with Frances Shani Parker after her inspiring presentation.
A few good men of the Detroit Unity Poets and Authors Society (DUPAAS) pose with the author after her readings from "Becoming Dead Right: A Hospice Volunteer in Urban Nursing Homes."
Frances Shani Parker soaks in summer at the Detroit Public Library book fair with tasty food and engaging book lovers.
